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Have you ever been thinking to stop breathing and wishing you could end your life since everything seems so wrong? Have you ever think that everything in this world is against you? Have you ever wondered what makes you survive until today?
I have been through those days, even it happened recently. I just wished I stopped being alive and I could just have stopped breathing. But again He came to me, and reminding me of the thing I have known from the beginning: when everything goes wrong and the world goes against you, when you don’t find any reason to keep going on, He is the only reason that I am alive.
A friend reminded me that everything happens for a reason, though there is no good reason in everything, He will work good thing out of those “bad things” for those who love Him. As long as Romans 8:28 is still in the Bible, no bad thing is too bad that He can’t make good things out of that situation. As Paul said: We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed…, things can get worse even when you think that it is the climax and you are still have some hope expecting the anti-climax, but His promise is still the same. Romans 8:28 is still in the Bible. And even if it is not enough, John 3:16 is still His promise to all who want to believe that He is just enough for all we need.
You have spoken to me through Your words, not once, but twice and I am convinced it was not a coincidence when I was thinking about death and life, Your Word spoke to me so clearly and the message from the pastor seemed to even confirmed what You have spoken to me.
I missed the time when You came to me and spoken to my life, to my heart, as You did it last time. But who I am to tell You how You should do Your job. I am convinced now that knowing and believing that I only need one reason in my life and it is You, is the only thing I need in this life. Nevertheless I am also convinced there will come again the day when the darkness will overshadow this life and I will again feel hopeless. But still I believe when that day comes, You will come to me again to remind me that I only need a reason to keep going. I don’t know how You will speak to me later, I miss You and I eager to know, but till then, the way You speak to me regularly is enough for me as I believe You know it better than I do.
So please draw me closer to You, surprise me with all Your wonder though I have known and believed You are God beyond understanding, but close enough to us and humble enough to die and live to give me new life.

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