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And Lord, it seems like it was yesterday when I talked to You again about him. I don’t always tell anything about him since I left home and it seems that I am not interesting at all about what is going on in his life. But today I want to talk to You all my feeling and pain and everything, just everything.
It seems like it was yesterday when I asked him to help me with my math and especially biology homework though it was like 20 years ago. He who liked to hold my sister when she was a baby has left us today. I don’t know where he is now, but I know You have planned everything before time began. So I should I say? that I am sad, that my vision becomes blurry as tears flood my eyes? It was just less than 1 month when I started to talk to You again about him. You know that I don’t love him like I love my dad, but I am not lying and You know that when I say I love him because I have received Your love.
So, when everyone turns his back on us it is when I started to put his name in our conversation. And now he is gone and still everyone blames me for this. I choose You not because we didn’t want to help, but we know that superstition is what made them blind.
So, would You please open their eyes, the eyes of their hearts, so that they will know how much You love them? Or should I say thanks first since this tragedy has melted some of the enmity between some family?
To be honest, I don’t know what to say, hopefully everything will be better when they come to know You. And thankfully, I have the Spirit who pray for me for the things that I myself don’t know how to pray. So please Holy Spirit touch my heart and my soul so that I will know what to do next.
And Lord, I don’t have any chance again to say the things that I want to say to him, so can I say those things to You and may be just in case if You want to tell him that I love him and really wished that he would come to know You in his sickness and trouble, that I am so thankful for all the things that he had done for my family, that I have pity on him on what is going on with his children. And please forgive me for having intention to tell him about You but I just never let myself to grab the chance to go and tell it.
So when the world has many beliefs about life and death, only believe in one thing: that Jesus is the resurrection and the life, and those who believe in Him will live and never die and those who die will yet live. And I will never know if in his last days he has come to believe in You, Jesus, it is the secret that I will never know. But today I want to ask You for something that only You can do. As You always comfort me, please bring comfort to them who mourn with me and even more, touch their hearts to know how much You love them and even You are mourning with us.
So, Lord Jesus, please tell my uncle that I love him and I am so sorry I am not there to visit him in his dying bed. And I am so sorry that I just wanted to call him when I knew that he was sick, but I never let myself to call him. And I am so sorry to make my aunt blames us and especially me for choosing to follow You rather to try to help him. But what I really want to ask You is protection and guidance for my cousins and my aunt. I know they might hate us, but please lead them in Your way so that they will know when they lose their earthly father and husband, there is a heavenly father who is always there for them, to love and care for them. And please hold them as You always do to me, that You will bring them to know You and to walk in Your way. Please let them know that I don’t blame them for blaming or even hating us, just let them know that I love them but You love them even more than everything. And like You weep the tears from my eyes, please do the same to them.
And now it’s the time for me to say goodbye. You are the only person with the only nick name, Osuk, I will miss you, I can call that name again. And how much I will miss to give you present whenever I go home. And though I can laugh since I can save some money for I don’t have to buy you any present anymore, but I would rather do it than losing you. May you rest in peace, I love you. And I promise to talk to Jesus about your family.
Lord, that is the short conversation I want to have with him that I have no chance to tell him. I know it is too late now, but I just want to say the words. And I thank You for though it is late for him, I still can tell it to You though I know it is useless, but one day when I almost forget, I will read this conversation again and I will remember I have an uncle who helped me with many things many many years ago, who loved me and whom I love and how I promise to keep talking to You about his family and about my feeling. And when I feel stress after work, I will come to this conversation again, to remind myself that though all the analysis of the data is quite difficult and though I am intelligent but I never cry because of the problem I encounter in my work, but I cry because of love and how I love them.
Thank You, Jesus. I submit into Your hand my Osuk. Where he is now, it is not me to ask but for his family, may You show them Your way and Your love.
Goodbye, Osuk.
Good night, Jesus.

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